Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
