Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
