while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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