Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
