That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
