You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
