I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
