Already got asked if we're dating
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
