Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Randomize
