GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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