420 ftw
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
