I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
