i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
