I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
