Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
