I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
