As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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