So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
