do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
