I just gift wrapped bread.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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