I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
