i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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