Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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