he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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