cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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