wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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