perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
