it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
