Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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