I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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