I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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