I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
