is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize