32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
