6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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