I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
