We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
