i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
