there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
