All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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