He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
