I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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