I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
birth control should be required to get into college
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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