i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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