I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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