there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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