I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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