Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
