Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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