its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
