Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
