how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
