I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
