drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
