How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
