I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
