apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
