It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
