Do you still have your period?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
