My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
